︽淼︾

天气很好...

想出去春游  野餐 

8月25日

Quoted from Car Roger's Personality Theory.

-----About conditional positive regards

Our society also leads us astray with conditions of worth. As we grow up, our parents, teachers, peers, the

media, and others, only give us what we need when we show we are "worthy," rather than just because we

need it. We get a drink when we finish our class, we get something sweet when we finish our vegetables, and

most importantly, we get love and affection if and only if we "behave!"

Getting positive regard on "on condition" Rogers calls conditional positive regard. Because we do indeed

need positive regard, these conditions are very powerful, and we bend ourselves into a shape determined, not

by our organismic valuing or our actualizing tendency, but by a society that may or may not truly have our

best interests at heart. A "good little boy or girl" may not be a healthy or happy boy or girl!

Over time, this "conditioning" leads us to have conditional positive self-regard as well. We begin to like

ourselves only if we meet up with the standards others have applied to us, rather than if we are truly

actualizing our potentials. And since these standards were created without keeping each individual in mind,

more often than not we find ourselves unable to meet them, and therefore unable to maintain any sense of

self-esteem.

-----About the incongruity of our personality

To the extent that our society is out of synch with the actualizing tendency, and we are forced to live with conditions of worth that are

out of step with organismic valuing, and receive only conditional positive regard and self-regard, we develop instead an ideal self.

This gap between the real self and the ideal self, the "I am" and the "I should" is called incongruity. The greater the gap, the more incongruity.

The more incongruity, the more suffering.

我们总是很难有自主的生活，总是为了这个人为了那个人而做某些事情.因为别人寄予你期望，你怎忍心让别人失望？

可正因为太过在意别人眼中的自己，我们会有人格分裂的倾向.我们在不同的人面前展现着不同的自己.

如今，我找到了真实的自己.却是那个与现实出入很大的我.不懂事，不讲理，幼稚，暴躁，脆弱，但是却单纯，容易满足...找到了那个无法回到现实中的自己.

我看着和人们连在一起的自己，还有真实的自己，相差甚远，我在其中挣扎着.我贪恋那样单纯的我，可是我不能失去生活.

明年要住两人房了，我突然发现自己没有合住的室友.和我想出的比较舒服的人们是都不能和我住在一起的，要么是男的，要么是学姐，要么不同校...剩下的女生们要么跟我作息差异太大，要么不投脾气，投脾气的合得来的又会有比我更好的选择，因为她们太popular了.还有一种，找我住我也不想跟某人住.

那就再给我安排个ASEAN室友吧，从此正式开始antisocial的生活。那才是真正的自己.